“Flexing” is a slang time period meaning exhibiting off or boasting about one’s accomplishments, possessions, or expertise, usually with the intention of impressing others. For instance, somebody may “flex” on social media by posting photos of their new Porsche or sharing tales about their achievements.
Personally, I am not a fan of flexing—what’s the purpose? It usually invitations disdain from others. As an alternative, I choose practising stealth wealth and taking part in dumb, which helps reduce undesirable consideration each on-line and offline. After a sure level, it’s higher to mix into the gang than stand out.
However as a person, I perceive the need to boast about our accomplishments as a result of it is a aggressive world. I’ve obtained to share some credentials on Monetary Samurai, in any other case, who’s going to hassle taking me significantly?
Additional, If no person is aware of what you have achieved, life for you and your kids could also be rather more tough. In some ways, attaining a sure degree of standing is important for survival.
The Greatest Flex By Males Is Not What You Assume
A few of you may suppose the next are the most important flexes by males:
- Driving a uncommon and costly automotive you’ll be able to really get out and in of with out your knees giving out.
- Residing in a mansion in an unique neighborhood surrounded by individuals who look and suppose such as you.
- Displaying off six-pack abs like Luigi Mangione in your profile image.
- Having an especially enticing partner who makes you’re feeling each proud and barely insecure.
- Flying first-class or personal whereas lecturing others about their carbon footprint.
- Working from residence in your pajamas and taking conferences from the pickleball court docket.
- Working a sub-6-minute mile without having a defibrillator afterward.
- Profitable an award for being superior, handed out by the identical circle of people that all the time give one another awards.
- Talking on nationwide TV so usually you’ll be able to’t even eat a meal in public in peace.
- Changing into a nationwide bestselling writer whereas struggling to take care of your loved ones.
- Having a full head of hair with no grey strands at 50, defying the passage of time.
- Incomes a PhD from an Ivy League college simply to verify everybody calls you “Physician.”
These items are good to have, particularly the six-pack abs whenever you’re middle-aged. Nonetheless, opposite to what I’m seeing on social media, these aren’t the most important flexes.
Being FIRE (financially unbiased, retired early) grew to become a flex—it’s exhausting to beat the enchantment of no conferences and no boss. Time is extra helpful than cash, proper?
Nonetheless, the most important and newest flex I’ve observed is having a spouse who would not have to work. To completely present on your girl now looks like man’s biggest achievement based on social media. In any case, in case you actually love your spouse, you’d give her the present of freedom.
Try one instance from TikTok.
It’s humorous as a result of, since 2010, I’ve been considering the reverse: having a spouse who totally offers for the person, whereas the person will get to twiddle his thumbs at house is the best flex!
Vote in my ballot on the finish to find out which is the larger flex.

See previous posts on this topic:
How To Persuade Your Partner To Work Longer So You Can Retire Earlier
My Secret To Retiring Early With $4 Million And Two Children In An Costly Metropolis
The Secret To Early Retirement Is So Easy And Logical (2010 publication!)
Why the Greatest Flex Is Having a Working Spouse Take Care of You
Reflecting on my previous posts, it’s clear that I’ve usually thought of flipping conventional gender roles and imagining a world the place extra ladies are the first breadwinners. This concept initially took root round 2010 once I was burned out from work and wanting to retire early. I yearned for aid from the relentless stress of incomes cash.
Nonetheless, the strongest catalyst for envisioning ladies as suppliers has been the profound affect of the profitable ladies in my life.
Surrounded by Highly effective Ladies
At Credit score Suisse, my instant Managing Director was Kathryn. She was nothing wanting inspiring—promoted to MD in her mid-30s whereas elevating three kids. Kathryn’s potential to stability demanding purchasers and a thriving residence life, all whereas remaining approachable, left an enduring impression. We nonetheless alternate vacation playing cards to today.
Earlier than Credit score Suisse, I labored alongside Michele, a Managing Director on the Latin America desk at Goldman Sachs. She as soon as reviewed and accredited my request to commerce choices. Michele thrived at work for 32 years, changing into a Companion. To even get a job at Goldman, I needed to move the gatekeeper, Kim Purkiss, their lead recruiter who determined if I’d make it to Tremendous Day interviews.
Even earlier than Wall Avenue, my aunt was a task mannequin of accomplishment. With a BA from Brown College and a PhD in marine seismology from MIT, she now heads a scientific analysis division. She nonetheless travels the world, advancing her subject and supporting her household.
And, in fact, there’s my mom. She labored tirelessly within the U.S. State Division till she retired at 60, setting an instance of dedication.
A Pure Conclusion
These ladies did not want males to supply for them. They might simply stand on their very own and supply for his or her males. My spouse stored working for 3 years after I retired earlier than becoming a member of me in 2015 at age 35. She didn’t depend on me financially for something. The truth is, I obtained on her work medical health insurance plan after my COBRA ran out. We have been deliberate in planning out our future collectively as a staff.
Surrounded by such pushed and achieved ladies, it felt pure to suppose that the final word flex is just not driving a flashy automotive however being supported by a working spouse. In any case, if these outstanding ladies may excel so brilliantly of their careers, why not reimagine what partnership and help may appear like?
Being cared for by a profitable girl whereas specializing in different pursuits—whether or not parenting, writing, sports activities hobbies, entrepreneurship or just having fun with life—appears like a strong paradigm shift. It’s not about shirking accountability however reasonably embracing a contemporary partnership.

Flipping Conventional Gender Roles Is the Larger Flex
The thought of a husband not letting his spouse work isn’t precisely groundbreaking—it’s been the standard gender dynamic in households for generations.
Traditionally, when {couples} have kids and one father or mother stays residence, it’s extra frequent for the husband to carry a paying job whereas the spouse takes on the unpaid position of managing the family. This isn’t a controversial assertion; it’s merely the way in which issues have been for many years. Moreover, being a stay-at-home father or mother for the primary 5 years of a kid’s life is approach more durable than most information jobs!
If you happen to attend a faculty occasion and chat with different mother and father, you’ll discover that households with a working husband and a stay-at-home mother are rather more prevalent than the reverse. As a result of this setup stays so frequent, it doesn’t actually stand out as a “flex.”
A a lot larger flex is breaking away from these conventional norms. Having the spouse as the only breadwinner whereas the husband takes on the first caregiving and family duties is extra uncommon. It challenges typical expectations and indicators a rethinking of conventional roles.
Apparently, whereas there’s been a gradual enhance in stay-at-home dads in recent times, the share of moms who keep at residence stays roughly the identical because it was in 1989. On account of these diverging tendencies, dads now characterize 18% of stay-at-home mother and father, up from 11% in 1989. This exhibits that societal norms round parenting roles are slowly evolving.

Extra Males within the FIRE Motion Have Working Wives
Since serving to to kickstart the modern-day FIRE (Monetary Independence, Retire Early) motion in 2009, I’ve observed a rising development: many males who declare to have achieved FIRE nonetheless have working wives. Whereas some acknowledge their wives’ contributions, their roles usually go unmentioned throughout podcast interviews or media options. Much more perplexing is why the host or journalist doesn’t ask about their wives’s vital contributions.
Why the omission?
If I had a working spouse who earned an revenue and offered backed healthcare whereas I managed the family, I’d have fun her! And if she have been additionally a mom juggling profession and parenthood, she’d deserve countless reward. Balancing a profession with the calls for of parenthood—particularly throughout a toddler’s early years—is extremely powerful. Parental guilt usually weighs closely.
If you happen to’re a stay-at-home husband or father, embrace it. You’ve gained the lottery in case your spouse helps you financially. Don’t downplay her contributions—shine a highlight on them! Acknowledge her efforts and achievements with satisfaction.
Keep-at-Residence Males Unite
Keep-at-home males, it’s time to problem the stigma. There’s no have to downplay your position by claiming you’re “retired” when your spouse’s paycheck is your passive revenue supply. Personal your place with satisfaction.
By normalizing and embracing the position, you’ll be able to encourage extra males to pursue their need to be family caretakers with out feeling societal stress. If ladies need to give attention to their careers and monetary independence, we should always have fun and help them.
It is smart for girls who aspire to long-term careers to help extra males staying at residence. Behind each working partner is usually an under-celebrated however important accomplice managing the myriad duties that include elevating a household.

Assist Ladies’s Monetary Independence
Ladies are outpacing males in faculty enrollment and advancing in management roles throughout industries, authorities, and society. For the next Return On Effort, it is smart for extra ladies to work longer and earn extra money than males.
Importantly, extra ladies than ever are financially unbiased—a development we should always encourage. Because the saying goes: “A person is just not a monetary plan.”
As a father to a daughter, I hope she chases her skilled desires with vigor whereas additionally discovering a loving accomplice. If that accomplice occurs to be a accountable man who chooses to remain at residence and lift their kids, incredible. It’s a staff effort.
Nonetheless, the position of a stay-at-home dad comes with obligations. If a person fails to tug his weight round the home or be an engaged father, the association gained’t fly. In such circumstances, I’d have a candid dialog with him—man-to-man—and remind him to honor his Supplier’s Clock.

Males At Residence Want To Be Cautious To not Take Issues Too Far
Sadly, unflattering examples perpetuate stereotypes, hindering broader acceptance of this position.
In case your spouse loses respect for you, your marriage could start to unravel. Not incomes cash for the family is ok, however a person should stay helpful and discover which means in his position.
The “Loser” Husband Stereotype
Take the instance of a 41-year-old man price $2 million in liquid belongings, producing $125,000 in passive revenue yearly. Regardless of this monetary contribution, his spouse referred to as him a “loser” after he retired. That is the sort of story that damages the notion of stay-at-home husbands or boyfriends.

If he’s spending his days getting stoned and taking part in video video games with associates, it’s no marvel his spouse feels pissed off. But, take into account his backstory: he spent 18–23 years working after highschool or faculty to amass his/their wealth. He has each proper to chill and chill out for a yr or two after retiring early.
Nonetheless, staying idle indefinitely isn’t the reply. As an alternative, he may give attention to significant pursuits, whether or not managing the family, volunteering, or engaged on a special pastime moreover video video games. Heck, he may even flex to his associates how his spouse helps him—although the fact is that his monetary contributions play a major position of their family stability.
By reframing the narrative round stay-at-home males and rejecting the “loser” stereotype, we are able to create extra acceptance and respect for males who select this path. However males should additionally step as much as display the worth they create to their households and relationships.
Let’s Normalize Keep-At-Residence Males
Society usually expects males to be breadwinners, excel professionally, contribute to chores, and sacrifice time with their kids. These pressures result in stress and burnout, leaving much less room for achievement.
Many males would gladly embrace the position of stay-at-home dads, permitting their companions to give attention to careers. Normalizing this selection dismantles outdated gender roles and creates more healthy, extra balanced households.
Let’s construct a world the place roles are primarily based on particular person strengths and preferences, free from societal judgment. Happier households and true gender fairness begin with embracing these shifts.

Associated submit: How To Get Your Mother and father To Pay For Every part As An Grownup Youngster
Readers, what do you suppose is the larger flex for males: supporting their wives so that they don’t must work, or not having to work as a result of their wives are the first suppliers? If you happen to imagine there’s a stigma in opposition to stay-at-home males, how can we work collectively to eradicate it? Are you able to respect a stay-at-home man who is not productive and primarily simply consumes?
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